


trying to get to you

by mytsukkishine



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Bittersweet Ending, Car Accidents, Kuroo Following Kei, M/M, Moving on is hard, Overdosing, References to Depression, Suicide, Tragic Romance, remastered fanfic lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-25
Updated: 2020-05-25
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:47:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24371557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mytsukkishine/pseuds/mytsukkishine
Summary: Everything came crashing down on Kuroo when Kei had left him alone with nothing but the moon shining down on him.Wherein, Kuroo was struggling to move on and decided that he wouldn't mind being with Kei again.(pls read tags tnx)
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei
Comments: 9
Kudos: 80





	trying to get to you

**Author's Note:**

> hello!  
> actually, this is my old fic, i just rewrite it.   
> this was actually the very first fanfic I wrote about kurotsuki so I hope you will like this!!  
> if u wanna check out the old version (which made me cringe, really but look at how I improved lol)   
> check it [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6504061) (might delete this soon)
> 
> enjoy and do read the tags okay. u have been warned

Kuroo Tetsurou squinted his eyes, his head drumming against his skull while his vision was starting to clear up. Everything hurts. His arms, legs, and head. The black-haired man tried to remember the events from earlier but he— Kuroo released a violent cough that caused his head to ache some more.

Fortunately, his vision cleared up and saw that it was dark outside except for some streetlights. He glanced to his left and—

“Kei!” Kuroo’s eyes widen as he reached up and arm but stopped with a painful moan. He can’t move any further, his whole body trembled with pain but what hurts the most was the view of his lover. He had his eyes closed, blood dripped down the side of his face, almost covering half of it, his glasses nowhere to found.

“Kei…” Kuroo tried to move his whole body but it only caused immense pain from his abdomen. He glanced down and saw a broken glass, which he assumed was from the broken windshield. The action he had done caused his head to spin, eyes slowly closing as he felt his own blood escaping his wound.

Everything was going dim but he kept an eye on his unconscious and unbreathing lover. Tears and blood poured down on Kuroo’s limp face, having accepted defeat that he can’t fucking move. “Kei…” His eyelids closed ever so gently and the last thing he heard was his soft voice calling for Kei and the sirens that were approaching.

_i._

_I know you’re somewhere out there_

_Somewhere far away…_

_I want you back,_

_I want you back…_

As soon as Kuroo opened his eyes, he was greeted by his lovely friends. Their faces were both printed with relief and worry. He wanted to speak but something on his mouth was stopping him.

“Kuroo,” Bokuto was the first one to speak out, hand reaching up to rub to his shoulders carefully. Akaashi followed soon, standing behind Bokuto and gave Kuroo the saddest smile.

His heart thumped against his chest as he looked around the room.

Kei.

Bloody and unconscious Kei.

It seemed like his friends had known the signal of his wandering eyes were given because Bokuto suddenly released a sob, his body leaning forward as he whispered a soft, “I’m sorry…”

Kuroo wanted to reach up, touch Bokuto’s head and ask him how, and why but all he can do was cry along. Cold tears dripped down his scarred cheeks as he slowly descended back to unconsciousness, his body freezing up.

Akaashi’s eyes widen, hands automatically reached up to press the red button while Bokuto gently held Kuroo’s body away hitting anything sharp during the violent seizure. 

_ii._

_My neighbors think I'm crazy_   
_But they don't understand_   
_You're all I had_   
_You're all I had_

The overflowing smell of flowers was suffocating. All those people walking near Kuroo was also suffocating to the point that he can no longer reply to any of them.

Their talking were low, almost inaudible but it was still so loud that Kuroo requested for Bokuto to take him outside the suffocating room. Kuroo was kind of glad that Bokuto didn’t ask any further question and just gently pushed his wheelchair away from the noise.

Away from the room where his lover’s picture were in the middle surrounded by beautiful flowers.

Once outside, Bokuto patted him on the shoulders, gave the black-haired man a smile, “Kuroo, want anything to drink?

“No. Can you leave me alone for a while?” Bokuto was hesitant at first, not wanting to leave his handicapped friend alone outside the starry night but nodded anyway. He knew his friend needed this but he just wished that Kuroo would know that he, Akaashi and Kenma would always be there for him.

One last pat, Bokuto left with a tear escaping his eyes. His friend was hurting and he can’t really do anything about it.

After Bokuto left, Kuroo felt the quietness from the outside a little breathable. He glanced down at his cemented legs.

The day Kei had left Kuroo’s life was the day he also died. Not only that, he could no longer be the same athlete with broken legs and heart. The doctors said he could still walk after a few months of therapy but what’s the point? What’s the point on going all through that trouble if he could no longer walk with Kei?

Kuroo slowly averted his gaze up at the dark sky, some stars were visible but the only thing that shone the most was that big moon illumining down on him. Like a hug that was barely warm.

Kuroo blinked once he felt a drop of tear on his palm. Then another, and another. Until it was like a fountain that can’t be stopped.

“Where are you my moonshine…”

_iii._

_I'm feeling like I'm famous_   
_The talk of the town_   
_They say I've gone mad_   
_Yeah,_

_I've gone mad_

It has been a month or so? Kuroo had lost count but from all those days that had passed, his friends were always there to visit him. To annoy him. To make him remember that he’s pretty much alone now.

“Kuroo,” He glanced up and saw Bokuto smiling while he placed a glass of water on the table before him. “How are you?” Bokuto took a seat beside Kuroo, still sporting that big smile. He looked down at the plate of food before Kuroo, “Akaashi made this for you. We know your favorite is mackerel so I hope you’ll eat plenty.”

After a few second of no reply, Bokuto just sighed, pitiful eyes staring at his best friend. He knew his friend was hurting so much, knew that he can’t do anything about. The least he could do was to help Kuroo up.

“By the way, we’ve replaced some foods in your pantry with new ones. Hope they’re to your liking,” Bokuto tried to lighten up the mood but just looking at his friend, skinny and broken. He can’t help but to want to push him somehow into doing some things for the better of himself.

Kuroo had been unresponsive since the accident, shoving them away. It hurts him to also know that Kuroo had choose to live alone. They offered him their place for Kuroo but the other was just as stubborn as his—

“I don’t want to eat,” Finally Kuroo had spoken but it came deaf to Bokuto’s ears. Kuroo needed to eat. He was skinnier than Kenma at this point.

“Come on, dude, just one or two bites,” Enthusiastic as Bokuto would ever be, he picked up the chopsticks, got some food before offering it to Kuroo with a hopeful expression. “Please?”

“Bo, I don’t want to…”

“Kuroo, please? You need to eat… We’re worried,” A frown was suddenly etched on Kuroo’s scarred face and before Bokuto could react, the chopsticks that he once help was slapped away, landing on the floor with a loud clank.

“Kuroo…”

“Just leave me alone!”

“What’s going on?” Frantic footsteps echoed and came in Akaashi with a worried look. Bokuto seemed to have not noticed his lover as he kept eye contact with the black-haired man, fuming.

“I’ve had enough Kuroo!” Bokuto yelled, the friendly voice from before gone now replaced with annoyance. “We’re fucking worried about your health. You look like you skip all your damn meals, and you barely go out of your house!

“My legs are fucking dead, Bo!”

“But not enough reason! Kuroo, you can still go outside. You can call us! You have us! What the hell man?”

Kuroo had enough. He lets out a huff and glared up at his friend. “Leave! I don’t need all of your help. I don’t need you, I don’t need Akaashi. Leave!”

The hurt on Bokuto’s face was evident, and the look on Kuroo’s face was something between nonchalant and uncaring. Akaashi had tears running down his cheeks as he observed everything. Both men were the best of friends. A pair you can’t break. A brotherhood no one else can have—but this.

“After what we’ve done to you, you’re like this?” Bokuto laughed, disbelief written on his face. “After all this and you’re like that? Kuroo, it’s been months! Two goddamn months and _he_ will not—”

“Koutarou!” Akaashi yelled and that was enough for Bokuto to snap out of his rage. He quickly glanced down at Kuroo, concerned that he might’ve went too far, not wanting to add more pain to his already hurting friend.

But it surprised him when Kuroo chuckled. “He’s here, Bo…” Tears dripped down, followed by another but he was still smiling. “I know he’s here… he’s talking me…” And ever so slowly, Kuroo maneuvered his wheelchair away from him to go to his room.

To their room.

_iv._

_But they don't know what I know_   
_Cause when the sun goes down_   
_Someone's talking back_   
_Yeah,_

_They're talking back_

_“I’m sorry Kuroo… I was—I don’t have the right to be frustrated. Ahh goddamn. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to, I was just worried and you were--… Just please, please let us help you… we miss you buddy. Call us back anytime, please? I’m sorry.”_

_“Kuroo? Hey its Akaashi… how are you? Are you eating well?... If you are please continue so and don’t forget to drink your medicine! Call us anytime okay? Take care…”_

_“Heya bro, how are you? You’re not calling us I hope you’re okay, Akaashi and Kenma are really worried… well, please call if you need anything… ... …”_

Those were a few messages his friends had left them, mostly consisted of Bokuto. It has been five days since the incident with Bokuto and Kuroo still didn’t have the energy to connect with them. But he was kind of thankful that they’re not barging in his house.

Kuroo doesn’t really have the courage to face them now. He had hurt his friends and they had hurt him. Kuroo was both frustrated with himself and Bokuto.

Glancing down at his medicine, Kuroo wiped his eyes, winced a little on how sore they were. He breathed in before gulping down two pills. A few minutes later, the TV only being the background noise. Kuroo was staring at a picture frame near his right side.

He smiled and once again, his faucet for eyes started to drip down with familiar salty tears.

It was a picture of him with Kei. They were smiling. They were happy. So happy.

~*~

  
“Hey, Tsukki. How are you?” It came out so casually, Kuroo’s eyes were glued at the moon above, his window wide open to let the wind caress and lighten up the insides of his room. Kuroo smiled as if someone had just talked back to him.

“My day was pretty boring, like the usual.” He sighed while he clutched Kei’s pillow tighter that was on his lap. “And it was sad because I miss you. Everyday.” Kuroo didn’t know when it started, one night he just found himself in peace talking to the moon every night.

Somehow, his Tsukki was answering and that was enough to bring solace to Kuroo’s broken soul.

Kuroo glanced outside the open window, the moon being the only guide he has to distinguish every tree and houses from outside.

A minute passed before Kuroo grabbed the bottle full of medicines at the nightstand, took out three pills before swallowing them dry. His head was aching and a dose was required.

“Do you miss me too?” The stars outside seemed to shine brighter after his question. It made Kuroo smile.

“Huh? You want me to play volleyball again?” Kuroo chuckled, a hand came up to rub at his nape, looking sheepishly at the moon. “I can’t play anymore. My legs are shattered and the cuts—” Kuroo’s eyes widen, immediately hiding his arms under the pillow, his expression guilty like a kid that stole a candy. “I’m sorry! I… I’m not cutting anymore—I,”

He squirmed, trying to hide the ugly cuts on his arms away from the moon, afraid that his moonshine might look at him so disappointingly. Kuroo felt ashamed, eyes prickling with tears because the more he looked at the moon, the more it looked like it's glaring down at him.

“I just feel incomplete, Kei, I’m…” Kuroo’s head started to spin, his stomach churning. He wanted to vomit but—but he can’t. He hasn’t eaten much. With a frustrated groan, Kuroo grabbed one bottle of meds again, this time for his stomach ache. He vaguely remembered Akaashi telling him it’s for stomachaches but what the heck.

He took two pills and swallowed dry.

Kuroo sniffed, releasing a choked sob as his hands grabbed for his already unruly hair. “My head hurts, Tsukki, help me please.”

Kuroo cried, hugging the pillow on his lap tightly.

“When will you return?”

Seconds passed by, minutes passed by. The voice had stopped.

The moon glaring at him.

“Come on Tsukki! Answer me!” Kuroo’s voice echoed through his room. He was crying, face buried on his pillow that once had Kei’s smell now gone. His vision was blurry, maybe from the tears and meds but Kuroo kept crying. He felt an immense pain on his head, maybe his wound had opened again but there were no blood involved.

Kuroo felt sick. Like his stomach was slowly eating his inside but he couldn’t care less.

He couldn’t care less about how bad he felt. On how his heart longed for Kei.

“Kei… Please,” He’s been like this because the voices had stopped. Kei had stopped responding to him and he felt like it was his fault.

He should’ve not cut himself again but— Kuroo fell back on the bed, his back hitting sheets he didn’t know when the last time it was changed.

But yeah, he couldn’t care less.

With closed eyes, he whispered to thin air, “I’m sorry,” and took the medicine bottle before downing in again two pills. Seconds of silence, Kuroo’s whole body was still trembling, his heart drumming against his chest violently, his throat hurting and he took another two pills.

He hoped his stomach would stop hurting soon.

_v._

_Do you ever hear me calling?_

_'Cause every night I'm talking to the moon_

Kuroo suddenly sat up straight, coughed up violently as the bottle he held fell down on the floor, the pills spilling everywhere.

Kuroo inhaled, choking in the process as his coughing fit seemed to die down slowly. He gasped, hand coming up to grasp his throat and then silence.

Kuroo fell back on the bed, his breathing still erratic but his eyes was glued on the moon outside the opened window.

It was so bright and near.

Kuroo felt relaxed.

“I’m sorry,” Kuroo coughed up again before closing his eyes, suddenly felt tired, like all his insides were drained.

“Until we talk again, Kei…”

Kuroo’s eyes remained close, not wanting to look at the moon. He knew his moonshine would be disappointed at his current state. He felt embarrassed. He felt helpless.

Kuroo doesn’t have an idea on how long he laid there, covered in moonlight and surrounded by silence. It was calming to the point that Kuroo thought he was floating in mid-air. And then he heard the door opening.

His sight was still groggy, lashes stuck to his skin as he tried to open his eyes and see who had entered. Maybe it was Bokuto and Akaashi. Those two always check on him uninvited.

Kuroo slowly sat up, eyes focusing on the familiar silhouette standing before him—Kuroo lets out a choked sob.

Tsukki.

His moonshine.

Looking at him with those golden orbs softly, those thin lips formed a smile. So beautiful. So—

“Kei…” Kuroo called out like a child to his mother. Like Kei was his lifeline. Like Kei was something so unreachable.

But he’s there.

Tsukishima Kei was there.

Kuroo reached up his as Kei took a sit on his side, his pale, unscarred face still etched with a soft smile. It was an ethereal sight that it made Kuroo all fuzzy inside.

With tears still streaming down, Kei stretched his arm up to wipe away Kuroo’s tears. “I miss you…” Kuroo muttered under his breath and the other just kept smiling. “Kei…. I love you,” Kei’s hand then went down his shoulder and to his arms were the cuts were visible.

Kuroo squirmed but Kei held on firmly, his other hand ghosted above the old and fresh scars gently.

“I’m sorry, I won’t do it again,”

“Tetsurou-koi…” Kei finally spoke as he leaned down and kissed those nasty scars. Kuroo’s heart burst in happiness, eyes never leaving every move Kei made.

“You’re stupid,” Kuroo chuckled, missing how Kei was always like this but he knew its how he shows his affection. Seconds later, Kuroo was guided down on the bed again but this time, instead of laying alone, Kei joined him. He wiped away Kuroo’s tears stained cheeks.

“Let’s rest now,”

Kuroo instantly wrapped his arms around Kei’s waist before closing his eyes.

“You’ve returned for me…”

~*~

The wind whooshed gently, the night becoming colder and the moon now shining even brighter.

For Kuroo this was the happiest night ever because that night the moon returned,

And took him with him.

**Author's Note:**

> you're still here yey  
> thank you for reading   
> every lovely readers, silent or not, thank u . i love u. wouldn't be here without you all!
> 
> kudos and comments are appreciated <3


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